


Peter Parker is Definitely Not Spider-Man, Okay, Even If He Does Eat Bugs

by sylveondreams



Category: Marvel Cinematic Universe, Spider-Man - All Media Types
Genre: Gen, weird food
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-12-03
Updated: 2019-12-03
Packaged: 2021-02-18 12:42:58
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 923
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21661012
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/sylveondreams/pseuds/sylveondreams
Summary: Peter Parker likes to eat insects, and everybody jokes that this means he's Spider-man.
Relationships: Michelle Jones & Ned Leeds & Peter Parker
Comments: 4
Kudos: 39





	Peter Parker is Definitely Not Spider-Man, Okay, Even If He Does Eat Bugs

**Author's Note:**

  * For [Blueberry_Dance](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Blueberry_Dance/gifts).



> To my co-conspirator and spawn partner. I don't think I can say this is a birthday gift anymore, since it's December. I don't think I can say it's a Christmas gift, either, since it's only the 3rd. Merry December the 3rd!  
> (It's a wonder what finals season will do for your works that you haven't been able to figure out how to work on.)

Peter Parker twiddled his pen between his fingers and reached into the bag on his desk, taking a handful of salty dried crickets from it and munching them absentmindedly. The paper in front of him was littered with chemical formulas, and the formulas were in code on top of their general messiness. Behind him, a whispered conversation was taking place, and Ned kept turning around to look at the whisperers, which was more distracting than the whispering itself.

Peter was close to a breakthrough on the chemical makeup of his webs, he was sure, so he'd been scribbling formulas through all his classes, making a shortlist of things that _probably_ wouldn't explode and might form a stronger web.

A balled-up piece of paper struck Peter in the back as he reached for another handful of crickets, and he turned around to glare at Flash.

"What is it?" he hissed, chemistry still on his mind.

"Are you Spider-man or something?"

Peter froze, immediately tried to pretend he hadn't done so, and said, "What?"

"Flies, Spider Parker."

"They're crickets."

"Whatever. I bet Spider-man eats bugs."

Peter Parker, also known as Spider-man, shrugged, anxiety tickling at him and trying to tense up his muscles again. "Probably not. I mean, they're a good source of protein, if you eat a lot of them, or if you're a spider, I guess, but he probably needs carbs for-"

"It's a joke, dude, I don't care about his diet. The man catches criminals." Flash rolled his eyes.

"Peter," said Mr. Woodstock from the front of the classroom, "turn around. Your talking is distracting your neighbors."

Peter turned around and looked down at his sheet of very Spider-man-y calculations.

"Yeah, Spider," whispered Flash from behind him. "Get back to work."

Ned was too worried about Peter's secret identity to do it, but MJ, who didn't know about that, was all too willing to adopt calling Peter 'Spider Parker', because even if it _did_ originate from Flash, it was pretty funny.

"Whatever. I don't think Peter could be Spider-man, anyway. I saw him drop a stack of books on his foot Friday evening, and he hopped around saying _fuck_ until May opened the door and told him to stop."

Peter, who often dropped things on purpose when he was out of costume, had not actually dropped the books on his foot on purpose. He winced. "Yeah, MJ, don't tell Ned about that."

"Yeah, I saw him almost fall down the stairs the other day and he didn't go like-" Ned mimed shooting a web from his hand- "which I think Spider-man would probably do."

"If I were Spider-man, I would simply-" Peter mimicked Ned's inexpert gesture and watched Ned's eyes widen slightly.

MJ snorted. "I think you need to eat more of those protein crickets before you become Spider-man. I don't think you could lift a car, quiz bowl spider boy."

"Hey, fuck you," said Peter, and shoveled a handful of crickets from his open bag into his mouth.

MJ had probably cursed Peter, because for the next few days he suddenly became clumsy out of costume. Although his sticky hands kept him from dropping anything, he tripped over at least seven more things than usual and knocked a few things onto the ground from tables next to him. This wasn't a good thing, because Flash saw him and called him 'Peter Parker, the spider who tripped over his own eight legs,' which did not have a ring to it, and it also was not a good thing, because MJ and Ned thought he was doing it on purpose. Overall, it was not a good thing.

Finally, MJ snatched his bag of crickets and wrote in Sharpie on its front, 'Crickets that make you stop falling down,' and Peter inexplicably went back to normal.

During that time, he'd accidentally started a small fire in the chemistry room while trying to boil the water away from a time-sensitive solution, but at least he'd used that solution to create webs that were actually stronger than his previous ones. Testing them involved webbing himself to the ceiling of his room, getting stuck, and having Ned stop playing video games on _his_ computer to help free him. According to webbing his backpack to the ceiling, the webs _did_ disintegrate (good) but took eight hours to do it (also good, apart from when his backpack fell in the middle of the night and woke him up), and that was good enough for him to make a bunch of web fluid and fill his shooters up with it.

During that time, he had also caught three robbers, released one of them, and webbed a street preacher spewing hate to a lamppost just for the heck of it. In costume, he had not tripped over anything. In costume, he had not knocked anything off of tables, or off of buildings. In costume, he had also sat on the roof of a building to eat crickets. They were good, _okay_ , even if he really did need to eat more carbs than protein when he was swinging around New York.

MJ, of course, didn't know he'd spent a lot of time being not clumsy in costume over the weekend, and so when they got back in school on Monday morning, she asked him, "Did the crickets cure your falling down disease, Spider Parker?"

Peter cast a pained look at her. "Yes. I can't believe I actually stopped tripping so much."

MJ laughed and snatched the rest of his crickets for herself.

**Author's Note:**

> Regular statement: You can find me on Tumblr at [sylveondreams!](https://sylveondreams.tumblr.com/)


End file.
